all for naught

So this is it. This is the end of the damn decade. 


If you had told me, in 2001, right out of high school, that I would go the whole decade without getting my Bachelors, I would have told you to go screw. 


If you had told me I'd go through most of the decade without a girlfriend, I would have thought you crazy. 

If you had mentioned to me that I would gain a ton of weight, lose it, put it back on, lose some of it again, and repeat a vicious cycle, I would have been confused. 


If you would have told me that I would completely destroy my knee and mess up my life in a skateboarding accident, I again would claim you crazy.


If you would have told me that I would only talk to 5 or 6 people from my graduating class at the end of the decade, I would think your were nuts.


If you told me that my best friends would be people that I barely knew in high school and that I'd be living all around Long Island with those same people, I'd kindly ask you to tell your story walking.


If you had said to me that I would have run two full marathons, 6 half marathons, and that I'd be starting a training program for a Half Ironman, I may have punched you.


There is absolutely no way to possibly predict what's going to happen to me in the new decade. I don't know what I'm doing for lunch today, let alone in 2015. I am looking forward to it though. The 2000's have been a decade of ups and downs to the extreme. I like to think that through everything, I've kept a real positive attitude. I would never, ever say I was depressed, but there were definitely some times where I was really bummed. I have always kept my head and spirits high, and that's probably the only thing I can guarantee on doing in the next decade.


Happy New Year

i miss the wetlands

I just watched (for the second time) Wetlands Preserved, a beautiful documentary about the legendary downtown venue, the Wetlands Preserve. Between 1998 and 2001, I went to probably around 35-40 shows at Wetlands. Although I was going to mostly punk and hardcore shows there, I always felt a special bond with the place because of it’s hippie roots and dedication to the environment and other social causes.

So after watching Wetlands Preserved, I was feeling real nostalgic. I spent about an hour on YouTube looking for shows I might have been at. The best one I found was this video from a show in December of 2000. Anti-Flag headlined, Flogging Molly played an amazing set before them, and I’m almost positive Bigwig opened the show. I remember it being literally 19 degrees outside, but the Wetlands was known as being the hottest place in NYC, no matter what it was doing outside. After watching the docu, and a dozen other videos on the Tube, I realized that we don’t have anything remotely comparable to what we had in The Wetlands. There will never be a venue like that again. I’m also realizing how good Anti-Flag used to be. Before Justin Sane went all Davey Havok on us. Damn, I probably saw them 3 times at the Wetlands. These days, if you wanna see Anti-Flag you have to go see them open for My Chemical Romance at MSG. UGH!

really?

commack girl suspened for bringing peppermint oil to school

Really, Commack? Really?

bored

a silly itunes game. bored. whatevs.


How many songs total: 1343
How many hours or days of music: 3.1

Sort By Song Title
First Song: ABC - Ziggy Marley (also, ABC’s by K’Naan)
Last Song: ‘87 - Bouncing Souls

Sort By Time
Shortest Song: You Gotta Stay Positive - Good Clean Fun (0:05)
Longest Song: Suzy Greenberg -Phish (18:23)

Top Five Most Played Songs:
1) Hummingbird - Born Ruffians
2) I Need a Life - Born Ruffians
3) Ziggy Says - Ziggy Marley
4) The Good Life - Ghost Mice
5) Oversleping - I’m from Barcelona

Last Album: 8-Bit Heroes - New York Robbers
First Album: All Hour Cymbals - Yeasayer

First Song That Comes Up On Shuffle: All Choked Up- Hello Nurse

Search the following and state how many songs come up:
Death - 3
Life - 28
Love - 70
Hate - 2
You - 156
Sex - 3


well that was fun.

blame canada

I am such a fool. I have had SirusXm radio in my car for the past 6 or 7 months. It’s the greatest investment I have ever made, by the way. Terrestrial radio is a dying medium. Aside from the fact that there isn’t a decent station in New York anymore, they have become less and less bold with anything they do, it’s just a really, really boring scene. But I digress. I’ve been mostly listening to Opie and Anthony, but there are so many great music stations. Stations that play punk, stations that play indie, there’s a 90’s Alt channel, hell, there’s even a station that plays only Jimmy Buffett (and other Margaritaville inspired music).


About 6 weeks ago, I was sitting in stand-still traffic on the Long Island Expressway (shocker? hardly!). I was casually scrolling through the SirusXm stations, and I noticed that XM 87 was playing “Hummingbird” by Born Ruffians. Born Ruffians were pretty much my favorite band of 2009. My iTunes top 25 of the year featured 10 of their songs. I owe this, of course, to SarahSpy and her 2008 Best Album list. (Her 2009 list is pretty impressive as well. Freelance Whales might be my Born Ruffians of 2010). So naturally I turned on channel 87, which is called The Verge.

The fact that I went 7 months without discovering this channel is pretty much my only regret of 2009 (forget losing my job and falling into debt). This station plays the best bands that I have heard in a long time. And here’s the kicker. It’s almost all exclusively Canadian artists! I’ve been suffering the monotony of American indie bands for so long while there are so many undiscovered gems north of the border. Shame on me! Why the hell has everyone been telling me to listen to some boring ass shoegaze band from Williamsburg when I could have been listening to an upbeat but poppy indie band from Saskatchewan? Shame on all of you as well!

Now I know I’ve had some beef with Canada in the past. There’s no evidence of it, but probably 13 years ago, I created an Anti-Canadian website, using the now defunct Geocities. But that was so long ago. Since then, I have really embraced Canadains and their way of life (except French Canadians). And now that I’ve discovered a handful of awesome bands from our neighbors to the north, I have a whole new respect for them. So while you keep listening to your simple noise band from Flatbush, I’m going to keep on searching for the best song writers in Winnipeg.

Here’s a few of the awesome bands that have taken over my iTunes the past few weeks.

Rah Rah - Sounds like a party

Library Voices - Pop as Fuck. But so good.

Quinzy - I’m not gonna lie. I feel good when I listen to Quinzy.

Japandroids - I remember Michael Nelson writing something about them when they were playing in NY not too long ago. I wish I checked them out then. How only two people can make such great music is beyond me. I mean, the Presidents of the United States of America put out a lot of great music with 3 people, but Japandroids combination of a drum and a guitar is so rad.

So that’s that. For now. I’m sure I’ll be stuck in more LIE traffic sometime soon, and I’m sure I’ll discover the next big thing from Quebec sometime soon too.

why do i do this to myself?

So it’s official. I have officially entered the 2010 Rhode Island Half Ironman.

1.2 mile swim

56 mile bike

13.1 mile run

70.3 total miles in one go.

This will, undoubtedly, be the hardest thing I’ve done. Training for my first full marathon was tough, especially since I was losing a ton of weight at the time. Half marathons have come fairly easy. But this is a half marathon (through the hills of Providence) after a 1.2 mile swim and a 56 mile bike ride.  This is no joke kid. I’m going to have to dramatically change my lifestyle over the next 6 months to prepare for this. No more mid week benders. No more slacking on my long runs. No more bacon bacon on bacon bagels for breakfast.* I’m going to have to learn how to swim ( I can swim, just not strongly).

I’m down for this though. And guess what Tumblr World? You are all coming on this journey with me.



*that’s gross. I’ve never had that.

eff the snow

we got dumped with 20+ inches of stupid snow. the roads are not suited for running. but apparently the entire boardwalk has been plowed. looks like i’m going out for a quick 10k.

One of my favorite Christmas songs. Oi! to the punks and Oi! to the skins Oi! to the world and everybody wins (The Vandals)

lajoiedevivre:

Gingerbread beach house.

Nothing like a combination of lovely Christmas traditions and my favorite place to warm my heart.

So Rad

hoarder? not me

The concept of Hoarding has become a hot topic lately, mainly because of A&E’s hit show Hoarders. After watching every episode of the show at least once or twice, it dawned on me that I myself may have a hoarding problem. So I looked around my room, but I didn’t see any dead mice or cats, didn’t have to climb over a four foot pile of used diapers, and surely didn’t have to put on any gas masks to combat the stench of 5 years of taco bell wrappers. But I did notice that I have a ton of stuff. Stuff that I probably could throw out. I just don’t want to. I don’t think it’s a psychological issue. I just don’t know why I would throw out a perfectly good H20 1998 European tour tee shirt when I could still be wearing it. I rarely do, but that doesn’t mean I might not ever wear it again. Sure, I probably won’t ever take out my talking Mr. T keychain out of it’s box, but there’s no way I’m tossing it.



I know I don’t need those beer bottles. But I like the bottle design. So sue me. I know a 26 year old dude shouldn’t be holding onto a stuffed Mighty Mouse doll. But I like Mighty Mouse. So I’m keeping him. I could have chucked all of my race bibs. But looking at those gives me inspiration to keep running. So I’m keeping them.



Do I need another Mighty Mouse doll riding a dinosaur on top of my bookcase? Probably not. I probably don’t need that coconut head, the Abe Lincoln bobblehead, the robot pencil sharpeners, or some of Pez collection on display either (trust me, that’s only about 1/8th of my collection. The other 400 pieces are at my parent’s house). But I like everything here. I’m not scared that if I throw them out my pet fish are going to die, which makes me a non hoarder. I don’t have any psychological ties to any of this stuff. I just like it all.

I have come across a problem, however, when it comes to some of my clothes. Well not clothes per se. Just a belt and a pair of shoes.



I bought this Quiksilver Scout belt just about the same time I got my learners permit. Being the late bloomer I am, that was right around my 17th birthday. I’m seven weeks away from turning 27. I’ve worn this belt almost every single day of the last (almost) 10 years. Any time I’ve needed to wear a belt, this was it. Weddings, Funerals, Baptisms, Proms. On an everyday basis to keep my shorts and pants from falling down. This was, and still is, my only belt. I love it. But, in maybe the past 6 months, the belt has began to stop doing it’s job. The fraying has become too severe, the buckle barely buckles, and the only evidence that it was once a bright baby blue color is about to fade away. I find myself adjusting it 4 or 5 times a day to keep my pants up. I’m not crazy. I know I need a new one. I started looking about 2 months ago. But I cannot seem to find a belt even remotely close to this one. All the surf shops sell are studded belts. I refuse to wear a leather one. I don’t know what to do. An eBay search for “Quiksilver Scout Belt” yields 0 results. I am at a complete standstill. Keep in mind, I’ve had this belt for just about 10 years. I plan on having my next belt for at least that long as well.



These Converse are another story. I got these mothers right before my senior prom. So that was in June 2001. As we near the end of 2009, I’m still rocking these bad boys like 3 days a week. My family and friends despise them. They have rips, holes, and tears. They are filthy. They are basically unwearable. They barely stay tied or on my feet. Again, I know I need a new pair. But somewhere between 2001 and 2009, Nike bought out Converse. I do not support Nike. Never have. So what do I do? I love, love, love my Chuck Taylors. These guys have seen everything. They were there for Q and Not U’s final show. Guess what I was wearing when I saw Andrew WK with 30 other people during heavy blizzard a few years back. Yup. These very Chucks. So now what? I might be able to get another year out of these things. But I can’t see myself consciously going into a store and buying a pair of Nikes, which is what Converse now is.

So I’m not a hoarder. Do not call A&E to try and get me on that show. Maybe you can get me on Intervention though, since I clearly have an addiction to keeping things.

"This is what you shall do: love the earth and sun, and animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning God, have patience and indulgence towards the people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown, or to any man or number of men; go freely with the powerful uneducated persons, and with the young, and mothers, of families: read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life: re-examine all you have been told at school or church, or in any books, and dismiss whatever insults your soul."

Walt Whitman (Long Island Native)

damn the man. save the empire

As some of you may know, I am a recent victim of the recession. Well, I was basically forced out my job. I was going to be laid off, and instead of just firing me and letting me collect unemployment, my company basically made getting up and going to work a completely miserable experience. Every day was worse than the previous. They cut my route in half, therefore cutting my pay in half. My boss would just show up and give me grief about the most asinine and menial issues. They would have me drive 60 miles out east, then send me back to a store 3 miles from my house. They forced me to quit. It’s amazing how in the course of 8 weeks you can go from not minding going to work in the morning, to absolutely dreading it. The corporate world is (pardon my french) bullshit.

So, being pretty much down to nothing in the ol’ bank account, I decided to take a job with a non profit environmental protection organization. I figured it would be completely different than working for a huge corporation like I was. I’ve always been an Earthy type of fella, have always done my part to protect the environment, and I knew the group really well. I won’t mention their name, because I really do appreciate what they are doing. They are responsible for a lot of the great things that have happened on Long Island. I knew I would be working with young, like minded individuals. People that have been shunned from the corporate world and were looking to get in with a grassroots campaign to make a change.

I started working for these guys last Tuesday. Basically, what they had me and 12-14 other people doing, was going door to door in a given town on Long Island, asking people for money. But, the thing is, apparently it’s only legal to canvass in New York between the hours of 4pm and 9pm. So we would be catching people either as they either just got home from work, were making/eating dinner, or putting their children to bed. People don’t want to be bothered while they are doing any of these things. They especially don’t want to bothered by some hippies preaching about the environment and looking for a handout. Now, while it’s true that I don’t really like talking to adults (I deal much better with toddlers), I thought I might be able to convince some people to donate to a cause I truly believed in. Not so. The second someone said they weren’t interested, I was just like “ok, see ya. sorry to bother you. enjoy the night.” This, I suppose, was the exact opposite of what I was supposed to be doing. They train you to be, for lack of better terms, a really annoying jerk. They give you all of these methods, similar to Jedi Mind Control to be honest, to get people to sign a petition and give you money. And there are some people who have been doing this for years, and are literally collecting four to five hundred dollars a night (keep in mind, you get 42% of what you collect, on top of an hourly wage). In the 5 nights that I did this, my highest night was 57 dollars. In 5 hours. I was the lowest collecting canvasser every night. And it’s not because I didn’t know what I was talking about. I knew the issue very, very well. But I refused to drink the Kool-Aid that these guys were offering. I never got, and I don’t think I ever could, get comfortable with pretty much tricking people into giving me money for something they might not necessarily agree with. And that is what the big money guys do. They nag and nag you, hold you accountable, and make you feel like they are doing you a public service by knocking on your door at 8:30pm while you are in the middle of feeding an infant and putting the other kid in the bath.

Now, I know that the only way to get things done is with money. Bills to help the environment cannot get passed without lobbying, and lobbying costs money. And a lot of it. People do need to be aware of the issues, and of course they need to contribute, but the way that these organizations go about it is not only outdated, but quite frankly, rude. Half of the people I came in contact with said “Can’t I just donate through a website or something?” That would make perfect sense. But no, these guys want money right there and then, and they prefer it in credit or checks. I don’t know about you, but if a strange hippie came to my door, in the freezing cold rain, going on and on about making a change, I’m not giving him my credit card information.

I only lasted 5 nights with them. On the fifth night, I got back to the headquarters, couldn’t feel my hands or feet, and the director called me into his office. “You know man, this isn’t really meant for everyone. If you can’t make the standard (collecting $170 per night) in your first 5 nights, then you might be one of the ones not meant for it. Nothing personal.” He was right. Even though I was out there fighting for something I really believed in, I couldn’t just deal with pestering and nagging people that were busy.

Like I said, I really do respect and appreciate what nonprofits do. They are out there fighting a fight that most people could absolutely care less about. But when it comes down to it, everyone involved is out there looking to make money for themselves. And of course that is the bottom line, making money. But the way that this was run was no better than any other major corporation I have worked for, and that’s what is most upsetting to me. It was pretty much “get money now, save the environment later.”

If one of these people come to your door, and trust me, they will (unless you live in Central Islip, Wyandanch, or Roosevelt), give them the time of day. Listen to what the issue is, and if you decide that it’s an issue you can get behind, I encourage you to go online, learn more about it, and then maybe donate some money for the cause. Door to door sales should have been eliminated years ago. If some hippies want to campaign a neighborhood, just spreading their message, that’s fine. More power to them. But when it comes to collecting money, that is something I know I’m not real comfortable doing, either asking for it, or giving it out to strangers on my porch.

Hoarders Drinking Game

Take a shot when:

someone can’t throw out dog hair because it might kill their dog

more than one pound of feces is uncovered

a dead mouse or rat is found. take two if a dead cat is found (via d.rocks)

a mullet is spotted

Chug a beer when:

a caption says the house is being repossessed

a 1-800-GOT-JUNK truck shows up

a psychiatrist claims they are a hoarding specialist

a hoarder can’t throw out a doormat because their dead mother will get upset

BEST SHOW EV-AR

515 Chemicals women apply each day. Check it out

I’m glad I’m not a woman.

i’m pretty sure i want this.  Yubz Talk Cell Phone Handset 36 bucks.

oh I don’t know, just about EVERYTHING!

Currently Overplaying - Noah and the Whale. I am so annoyed with myself that I missed all 3 of their shows earlier this month.

Currently Overplaying - Noah and the Whale. I am so annoyed with myself that I missed all 3 of their shows earlier this month.

The current cover of New York magazine. I know it’s incredibly unhip to say it, but I think Grizzly Bear is the most overrated, boring, uninteresting band out there. How many scene points did I just lose?

Amazing!

via http://worstthing.tumblr.com/

Today Google features Cookie Monster on the homepage. So rad. This is all being done, of course, for Sesame Street’s 40th Anniversary tomorrow.

Could a Human Beat a T.Rex in Arm Wrestling?

No. The answer is no. But read the article anyway. Some interesting facts regarding the arm strength of the Rex.

How Cool is that????

what real men talk about

SH: let me ask you something

is a moustache considered a moustache even if you have a beard?

or is a moustache only a moustache if it stands alone?

TP: if it's attached to anything it's a beard

and a fumanchu is in it's own category

SH: well yeah

Hey girl, I love you. Marry me?

A map of all the Subway restaurant in the US. My god.

G. Love and Special Sauce with Tristan Prettyman doing “Beautiful” at the Hollywood Bowl on Saturday. This is pretty much my favorite duet I have ever seen live, beating out Wilco / Feist and The Bouncing Souls/ I forget the girls name but it was also cool. I got to see G and TP do this song last year acoustically at a small bar in Montauk, and it was simply amazing.

Actual Screencap from cnn.com earlier tonight. They are clearly trying to cause panic and chaos.

Mother Jones opened a serious can on Fiji. Just another example of “green washing,” something that I’ve been doing some serious research on. I will have a report on my findings sometime soon.

I killed The Great Cow Harbor 10k on Saturday. I PR’ed by like 6 minutes. I’m not ashamed to say I was a bit sore yesterday and today. The hills of Northport will do that to anyone. But I know from past experience the best way to shake off some stiff quads is to go for a slow run. So I went on a easy 7 miler earlier, and about 2 miles from home, the heavens opened up. I got friggin soaked. I was none too pleased. I thought for sure that my iPod Shuffle would be ruined, but it was not. So I suppose that’s good. Party Hard.

At least 30 of my friends on Facebook have statuses bitching about how Summer is officially over. “I can’t believe summer is over! back to the real world” or “where did the summer go?” and even a “wake me up when September ends” was thrown in there. Jesus tap dancing christ people. Summer isn’t over officially over until September 21. Just because Labor Day is coming up, doesn’t mean the temperature is suddenly going to drop to minus 39 degrees and everyone is going into hibernation. When I saw Jimmy Buffett last week at the beach, he said “Summer on Long Island is gonna last until November 19th this year!” Now, that may be a little bit of a stretch, but it’s not crazy to think that we can enjoy ourselves until then.

While on the subject, in late July I wrote a post, but never published it (because I didn’t like the way it sounded for some reason), about major supermarkets pushing Autumn on us way too soon.

Right around July 7th, I noticed something disturbing at my supermarket accounts. In the stockrooms, pallets upon pallets of Halloween candy was coming in. Candy corn, bite size Snickers, mini Kit Kats and the such, in abundance. Not too long after that, they were out on the shelves in the seasonal section, pushing the seasonal summer crap (water balloons, coolers, beach chairs, margarita mixes, etc) into a small corner ready to be marked down. A week after that, around the second week of July, Back to School rubbish started going out to the shelves too.

Can’t we let the kids enjoy summer? They were literally OUT of school for three weeks before the stores started shoving pens, pencils and binders back in their faces. If I was a 8 year old kid, being dragged to the supermarket by my mom while all my friends were playing on a Slip N Slide, and had to be bombarded with back to school nonsense, I’d become damn near suicidal!

Anyway. I went back to school tonight myself. I’ve returned to CUNY Queens College after a 3 year hiatus. It was alright. Parking sucks. But I’m not about to go updating my Facebook status declaring the end of summer and my life just because the calendar says September 1st. Jeez.

Some People Just Need Less Sleep

Some People Just Need Less Sleep

Next time someone says to me “Sean, how are you going to go run a half marathon at 6am? It’s 1am now and you are hammered drunk!” I will refer them to this most fascinating study.

Labryinth Sing-Along and the 92nd Y

Labryinth Sing-Along and the 92nd Y

Well I know where I’ll be on September 25th

"runners high" can turn into a real addiction - MSNBC

"runners high" can turn into a real addiction - MSNBC

well, duh

Stop Making That Duckface!!

“That summer heat has got me feeling lazy
The air is warm and the sky is hazy
People getting down, getting crazy
People getting down, getting stupid, getting crazy

Hey - it’s a summertime thing
Summertime thing”

-Chuck Prophet “Summertime Thing”

Teen hit by woman driving drunk with son

Teen hit by woman driving drunk with son

A terrible, terrible story. But the picture Newsday picked for the story is even worse. Yuck.

I Gotta Feeling - Black Eyed P…

I only heard this song about 8 days ago, but I’ve officially made it my summer jam. Living in Long Beach, I swear every night is a good, good night (mazel tov).

I’ve never had a problem with the Black Eyed Peas. I love that Will I Am had someone punch stupid Perez in his stupid face, and I don’t even mind that dude Fergie.  They sound simply angelic in this song though. I love it.

The only time I don’t love it, however, is on a Tuesday morning at 6am, driving to work. I heard it on Z100 this past at that time on that day, and I was actually annoyed that they were playing it. No one, not even me, is thinking about partying on a Tuesday night at 6am on their way to work. I know they only have a few songs to play on the radio these days, but I would save this gem until around noon-ish.

Johnny Trash Cash and Oscar the Grouch.

If there is one thing I love more than sleeping in my car, it’s seeing other people sleeping in their cars.

In my opinion, there are two good reasons why one would sleep in their car.

The first, and the one that I personally find myself in on an almost daily basis, is that you are just tired of working. You need a break from the normal rushing around working rubbish. You just need a quick nap. Some time to relax. Time to think about your job and how much you hate it. I constantly see buisnessmen, suits and all, in their car with the seat laid back, just sleeping in the shaded area of parking lots. It’s glorious. By the way, if you ever find yourself looking for a catnap on Route 83 in Farmingville, Long Island, I suggest the Vietnam Vets Memorial. Not only is their optimal shade for those hot summer days, but it is extremely quiet. I may be screwing myself by letting the entire internet know about my underground nap spot, but I don’t care. If you hate your job as much as I do, you deserve a nice nap in a good spot like that.

The other reason for sleeping in your car, and the one that I’ve taken part of quite a few times as well, is that you had an amazing night and are too looped to drive. Nothing beats waking up in a parking lot of some bar, in your own vehicle, knowing that not only did you have a really fun time, but you also knew you shouldn’t be driving. A few months ago, I woke up in my car in the parking lot of some bar in Levittown, with a completely strange chick in my passenger seat. I was confused as hell. I nudged the girl, she woke up, looked at me like I had 4 heads, didn’t say a word,opened the door, and got into her car that was parked next to mine. It was bizzare.

Either way, if there is one thing that I’ve learned from working on the roads during the day and drinking heavily during the nights, it’s always keep a light blanket and small pillow in your car.

Wilco featuring Leslie Feist “You and I” at Keyspan Park last monday. Although I first thought I was at the HeadQuarters of http://www.latfh.com/ , it was a really, really good show.

Created by The Oatmeal

Day 6 of a Post MJ world. We are surviving. Barely.

Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says ‘we don’t serve your type.’

Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says ‘we don’t serve your type.’

It was 14 years ago yesterday that Dan Rather joined REM on stage at Madison Square Garden for “Whats the Frequency Kenneth?” I was unaware that the song was written based on an incident in 1985 where Dan Rather was mugged, and one of his assailants kept on screaming “Kenneth, what’s the frequency?” I read yesterday that they attacked him because they believed that the media had taken control of him. Naturally, learning all of this made me think of which current news anchor I would most like to beat up because the media has taken contron of them. Matt Lauer is too cool and Katie Couric is too hot. I think I would have to go with Sam Champion, even though he is only a weather anchor, I’ve always carried some serious hate for the guy. I cannot find any factual evidence, but I’m almost positive that Sam Champion is not his real name. We all know that his predecessor, Frank Field, changed his name to Storm Field for dramatic effect, so I don’t doubt that Sam Champion’s real name is Porter McElroy or something like that.

So I have been watching the U.S Open for the past two days, and I have found it a bit offensive that Long Island has been included in the typical New Yorker stereotype. ESPN runs a promo that features a middle aged guy with a thick Italian accent. You know the kind… the “Hey Yo I’m from Brooklyn Fuggedaboutit Ma Put the Sauce On it’s Gettin Late!” In other promos, the Empire State Building and Times Square are prominently shown. The last time I checked, the U.S. Open was being held at Bethpage State Park…in Farmingdale… on Long Island.

My point is, I think there is a difference between “Long Islanders” and “New Yorkers.” Now of course, Long Island is part of New York, but I don’t think we on Long Island need to be mashed into the tough guy New Yorker attitude that is usually associated with people from the city. Long Island has plenty of people and places that could have been used in the promos for ESPN. Instead of the Empire State Building 50 miles away in NYC, why not use The Big Duck in Flanders? Instead of hiring some loser actor from Staten Island, why not have a Long Island Legend like Christie Brinkley go on with the awesome Long Island accent (“Watch the boys hit the gawlf bawls and enjoy some soder or wawter.”)

I think Phil will win.

I’ve heard some ridiculous band names in my day. There was the New Jersey powerpunk powerhouses, Shower With Goats, who, by the grace of god reunited in 2007. Or there is Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, who have one song that I like (Oregon Girl). I used to listen to a hardcore band called the Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza. And maybe three months ago, someone told me to check out an electro / indie band with the name Natalie Portmans Shaved Head. A great name, and actually, a really nice band. I dig their sounds. They played at Santo’s the other night, and I missed it. I’m annoyed with myself, but they will be back on the 20th, so I will most definitely check them out then.

I have come to the conclusion that if any event is going to be considered super fun, its going to need one of two things: either beach balls or bubbles. Think about it. Name one place that you have been where beach balls or bubbles were being circulated through the crowd and you were like “wtf, get that beach ball out of here.” The fun level of any sporting event, concert, or festival is automatically doubled anytime a beach ball is going around. As a matter of fact, at my wedding in 2040, I want beach balls being hit around during the church ceremony. My funeral (presumably 6 months after I get married) too.

Bubbles, on the other hand, are just rad. I was driving home today, and in the car in front of me, a little girl had her cool bubble machine hanging out the window, blowing bubbles in my direction. It was like driving through some kind of awesome time warp. I was so happy. While bubbles will surely be included in both my wedding and funeral plans, I am really annoyed with myself for missing the premier bubble event of 2009 last night. Thats right, Bubble Battle 2009 took place last night in Times Square, and I friggin missed it. For some stupid reason, I had it marked on my calendar for June 19th, not the 12th.

Hey

I have had dozens of blogs over the past 10 years. This one is going to be rad. I really like what Tumblr is doing.

Don’t worry about my picture to the right. I didn’t get hit in the face by a mixed martial artist or anything. I was just playing shakeface. You don’t know what shakeface is? Well, all you have to do is, when you are having a picture taken, just shake your face around like a madman. The result is what you see over there. It’s even more fun when done with friends or celebrities.

Earlier today, I was eating a buffalo chicken wrap from a deli out east. I forgot that I had two nasty sun blisters on my bottom lip (I also have a ridiculous farmers tan, some sweet peeling of the earlobes, and possibly sunstroke, but if that’s the worst that will happen after a weekend on Fire Island,I’ll take it). After taking two bites of the delicious wrap, my lips were in some serious pain. Now I could have easily thrown the wrap into the majestic fountain I was sitting next to, along with the 9 bucks I spent on it, but instead I went back into the deli, asked for a fork, ditched the wrap, and continued eating the chicken with said fork, avoiding any contact with my lips. You may not think this is hard, but it’s quite a challenge. Next time you are eating something with a marinade, glaze, sauce, etc; try not making any contact with your lips with a fork or spoon. It’s almost impossible.

Turn the Radio Off

New York Radio is in shambles. With 92.3 K-Rock switching format to some top 40 z100 shit, there is officially no decent radio station that I can listen to. I have never been much of a radio fan to begin with, but on my long work commutes I did like to listen every once in a while, just to keep up to date on the current music trends. In my car, I have the capacity for 12 pre-set radio stations. My current lineup is something like this.

1. 90.7 WFUV: This is the one station that I actually do listen to on a somewhat consistent basis. It is based at Fordham University, has no commercials, and uses NPR news. They play mostly indie and folk type stuff. Real sick.

2. 92.3 K-Rock: For Opie and Anthony, Hoobastank, Trapt, etc. Now no O&A, but plenty of Beyonce and Kanye West.

3. 94.3 WMJC: The best mix of the 80's 90's and Now. Also the radio home of my beloved NY Islanders. Terrible reception.

4.97.1 Hot 97: Blazing Hip Hop and R&B. Can't go wrong. I also like to listen to the DJ's talk. They are ridiculous.

5. 100.3 Z1000: Phone Taps, Taylor Swift. I love it.

6. 104.3 Q104: Occasionally they play Rush and Queen.

7. 92.9 WEHM: A station out of East Hampton. It's really good, but only comes in when i get to around the Commack area.

8. 101.9 MixFM or whatever its called. Everyone tells me I will love this station, but I don't care for it. It seems everytime I put it on, Aerosmith is on. I hate Aerosmith.

and that's it. I can't even fill up 12 stations. And I'm about to delete K-Rock. So I will be down to 11. It's pretty pathetic. The general state of music is general is pretty pathetic actually. I think K-Rock switched formats because there is no such thing as rock anymore. I don't know of any current "rock" bands, and there are already a bunch of shitty classic rock stations, so why not give us another teeny bopper hitzzz station? God forbid we are offered choices for alternative music, like Indie101 out in SoCal. Ridic. I'm making the switch to Satelite soon. There I can have non stop Jimmy Buffett and cussing.


By the way, how AWESOME is this kid?

Muzak

I haven't been excited about a compilation album since Epitaph put out Punk O Rama 3 in 1998. I actually haven't been too excited about new albums in quite some time. But last month, a comp called " War Child Presents: Hereos" came out, and it is just amazing.

First of all, War Child is an amazing charity. They work with children affected in war torn countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, Uganda, etc. Quite the noble cause, so I didn't mind shelling out a few bucks to buy it. So, since I have nothing else going on, I offer you brief commentary on the first 8 tracks.

1. Beck covering Bob Dylan's "Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat." - I know it's a crime to not really like Bob Dylan, but for some reason I just never got into him. I missed the boat with him. And I feel like he has too much of an extensive library to even attempt to jump on board at this point in my life. I have however, always liked Beck, even though he is a Scientologist. This is a Dylan song that I vaguely knew, but to me it just felt like a decent Beck song.

2.The Kooks covering The Kinks "Victoria"- The Kooks covering The Kinks... Say that 5 times fast! LOL! Seriously though, I just recently (within the past 9 months) got into The Kinks. I also like The Kooks a great deal. I actually saw them on their first U.S tour. On this track, they stay true to the reggae-ish sound of The Kinks, but also add their own touch. It's BritPop at it's finest.

3. The Hold Steady covering Bruce Springsteen's "Atlantic City"- Let me preface this by saying that I do not like Bruce Springsteen. I never have, and this whole thing with him only selling his albums at Wal-Mart makes me dislike him even more. But I do like The Hold Steady, as does almost every other twenty something jaded scenester I know. THS does a really good job making this song their own (I think.. I've never heard the Boss' version). But if I didn't know that it was a cover, I could totally see this track being on one of their own albums.

4. Hot Chip covering Joy Divisions "Transmission"- I've never heard Hot Chip before this. They were always one of those bands that I knew someone who was into them, but never really checked them out myself. Same thing with Joy Division. I was a big fan of New Order though. Good song none the less.

5. Lily Allen and Mick Jones covering The Clash "Straight to Hell"- Well this was just a real treat. Here we have my future wife, Ms Lily Allen, collaborating with Mick Jones, guitarist of one of my favorite bands of all time, The Clash. Straight To Hell is an amazing song, and Lily (who happens to be Joe Strummer's goddaughter) does an amazing job covering it.

6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs covering The Ramones "Sheena is a Punk Rocker"- The Ramones are in my top 10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I'm basically indifferent about. I don't hate them, don't particularly like them, they are just whatever. And thats how I feel about this version of good Ramones song. They didn't butcher the song, but they could have done better.

7. Franz Ferndinand covering Blondie's "Call Me" - I'm not a Franz fanz. I'm not really a Blondie fan either. But I do know they have better songs than "Call Me." But FF decided to be like any cover band playing the Long Island nightclub cicuit, and chose that one. It's a live version and I don't like it. Modest Mouse would have done a better job.

8. Duffy covering Paul McCartney's "Live and Let Die"- "Live and Let Die" is one of the few Paul McCartney songs that I dig. There are only a handful of Beatles solo members songs that I like. I can't think of the name, but Ringo Starr had a song about smoking a ton of weed that I always liked. But anyway. I only know that one song by Duffy that they play on WFUV every once in a while. I know she gets a load of press, but I don't like her much. This song is a little slow for my taste, but not the worst thing I've ever heard either.

So that's the first half. I'll finish the other 8 songs at another point.

I was sitting down earlier, eating a delicious veggie burger, when a commercial came on for KFC. They were advertising the famous KFC Bowls, or whatever they are called. Now, I have about a million different problems with KFC, but this advert really irked me for some reason. First of all, the famous bowl, made up of layers of mashed potatoes, corn, FrankenChicken, gravy, and 3 types of cheese, looks disgusting. Not to mention like an instant heart attack. And for the low price of I think it was 2.59, you get that and what looked like to be about 40 gallons of soda. After the commercial was over, I literally looked at my veggie burger and side of more vegetables, and had a real sense of elitism. It's quite a confusing sensation.

Hero Doh

Last week, I was working in a supermarket out east. I was minding my own business, you know, doing my work. Doing what I do. Making the money. I digress.

So I was working, and I notice this kid come down the aisle. A toddler - couldn't have been more than 3 years old. He was walking with his father, but his father was pretty old. I actually thought it was his grandfather at first. The young boy was holding onto a really cool Play-Doh set. I was staring at it and thinking "man I wish I had some Play-Doh right now. I hate my job. I wish I worked in a Play-Doh factory." In the midst of my daydream involving me working in some sort of clay wonderland, the little dude's box fell, and out spilled 10 little cases of Play-Doh. "Evannnn, what did you do?" said the old man. "I spilled the Play-Doh daddy" replied Evan (the little kid). Me being the nice guy I am, I helped Evan pick up his Play-Doh and put it back into his box. Evan and his dad moved along, I went back to the excruciating minutia of the tasks at hand.

About 3 minutes later, I see Evan again. Just walking down the aisle, with his Play-Doh, but not his Grand-Dad. He was wandering around solo, so I was like "Hey buddy where's your grandpa?" But all he said was "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" So I'm all like "It's cool dude, we'll find Daddy." I walk around the entire store with this kid, looking for the old man. I finally spot him in the bread aisle, just doing his shopping. I don't think he knew that his son was missing. So I bring him over, and this was his reaction: " Oh he usually meets me in the car."

Now, I am all about having a sense of humor. But in a situation like that, you would think a parent/guardian would be in a complete frenzy. I'm in supermarkets all day, I've seen mothers completely wig the hell out when their kid wanders like 6 feet from them. But not this old man. I was quite confused to be honest.

So, am I a hero? Nah. I just want to work in a Play-Doh factory.

Akward Social Situation #1033

Life is a series of awkward social situations. Here is one of them.

A few nights ago, I was doing some grocery shopping in the local grocery megastore. I was perusing the organic cereal section, minding my own business, when I heard "Seany!" Now, there are only a few people who call me Seany... my younger cousins, and most of my graduating high school class. I turned around to see someone from said high school class that I don't think I have seen since we graduated like 40 years ago. I didn't have much to say to this person in high school, and I sure as shit didn't have much to say to them standing in the organic and natural section of Stop and Shop. Never to be the rude one, I entertained this chick with a few minutes of conversation, "shot the shit" as they say, caught up a little bit, and continued on our separate ways.

Or so I thought.

You see, the organic section of Stop and Shop is in the very beginning of the store. It was my first stop amongst a few others in the store, and judging by the emptiness of my classmate's cart, she was also just beginning. What followed next was awkward meetups in each different section of the store. "Those are some good apples you got there" I said to her in the produce section. "The soy ice cream is pretty good" I suggested in the frozen section. But that was pretty much all I had to say, and I was only half way done with my shopping.

I spent the next 15 minutes peeking down aisles before I walked down them, making sure she wasn't there. I had absolutely nothing else. And it's not like I have nothing to say, I'm a pretty bright and opinionated fella. But in the supermarket setting, awkwardly shuffling our carts to avoid hitting each other, there is just not much to discuss. This is why from now on, to avoid such situations, I will be doing all of my shopping in Riverhead, 50 miles from the closest class of 2001 graduate.

so cute i want to puke

The Smitten Mitten website claims that the Smitten Mitten is for "friends and lovers."



If I ever two clowns in public with this thing, I will insist that one of them uses it to hold hands with a T-Rex.

Father Cat

So one of my newest hobbies is finding blogs from around the world and translating them into my mother language, which of course is English. This all started out while looking for some information on one of my favorite Sweedish punk bands, Millencolin, and found a fansite written in Dutch or something. I translated it and found some of the translations quite humorous, so I kept on looking for other interesting blogs in different languages. It is pretty cool to see what the rest of the world is blogging about, and also to get their opinions on us crazy Americans.

I digress. I stumbled upon this complete gem of a video last night on some wild Japenese design blog.




That is the fattest fucking cat I have ever seen. But not only is he big and fat, he is goddamn hilarious! He is sitting there like he owns the table. Around 0:32 he looks at the camerman and is like "hey go screw I'm a big fat cat and I do what I want." My favorite part is at 0:49 when he stops doing his thing, and looks like he is saying to himself "What the shit am I doing?" but then goes back to licking himself. Now, I have seen probably upwards of 20,000 cat pictures and videos on the internet over the years, but I am hereby declaring Father Cat (which is the title of the video translated) THE COOLEST CAT EVER.

i'm awake

One actor that I've never been quite able to figure out is Matthew Broderick.

"Ferris Bueller's Day Off" is in my top 8 of movies. A young Matthew Broderick plays one of my favorite characters of all time. But after Ferris Bueller, his career really confuses me. He was great in "Inspector Gadget" and "The Cable Guy." But his choices to make "Godzilla," "The Stepford Wives" and "Deck the Halls" makes no sense to me. He must have enough money to never have to work again.

Most confusing, however, is his decision to marry that evil wench of a woman Sarah Jessica Parker.

I have no problem saying that I think Matthew Broderick is decent looking. He has a boyish charm and loves to play ping-pong. He could easily get any other vixen in Hollywood. Hells, Mia Sara, who played Sloan, is single. I think they should get back together. It's clear that Sarah Jessica Parker doesn't appreciate him and is better off with some other horse face.

It's no secret that I like a good chorerographed dance scene in movies. I have no shame in admitting that I enjoy a good musical here and there. While watching "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" this morning I realized just how awesome the parade scene is in that movie. Then i got to thinking, " which scene do I like better?"

The Day-O Scene from Beetlejuice:



or

Twist and Shout from Ferris Bueller



After watching both scenes about 12 times, I came to the conclusion that Twist and Shout is far superior. My favorite part of the scene comes at 0:58, when that black guy does that shake dance. It's awesome. I also like the scene better because there is an emphasis on balloons. I truly believe balloons can make the worst of days better. As a matter of fact, if this nasty sinus infection that I have been battling kills me, I want at least 4 dozen balloons at my funeral. I also want a cover band.