damn the man. save the empire

As some of you may know, I am a recent victim of the recession. Well, I was basically forced out my job. I was going to be laid off, and instead of just firing me and letting me collect unemployment, my company basically made getting up and going to work a completely miserable experience. Every day was worse than the previous. They cut my route in half, therefore cutting my pay in half. My boss would just show up and give me grief about the most asinine and menial issues. They would have me drive 60 miles out east, then send me back to a store 3 miles from my house. They forced me to quit. It’s amazing how in the course of 8 weeks you can go from not minding going to work in the morning, to absolutely dreading it. The corporate world is (pardon my french) bullshit.

So, being pretty much down to nothing in the ol’ bank account, I decided to take a job with a non profit environmental protection organization. I figured it would be completely different than working for a huge corporation like I was. I’ve always been an Earthy type of fella, have always done my part to protect the environment, and I knew the group really well. I won’t mention their name, because I really do appreciate what they are doing. They are responsible for a lot of the great things that have happened on Long Island. I knew I would be working with young, like minded individuals. People that have been shunned from the corporate world and were looking to get in with a grassroots campaign to make a change.

I started working for these guys last Tuesday. Basically, what they had me and 12-14 other people doing, was going door to door in a given town on Long Island, asking people for money. But, the thing is, apparently it’s only legal to canvass in New York between the hours of 4pm and 9pm. So we would be catching people either as they either just got home from work, were making/eating dinner, or putting their children to bed. People don’t want to be bothered while they are doing any of these things. They especially don’t want to bothered by some hippies preaching about the environment and looking for a handout. Now, while it’s true that I don’t really like talking to adults (I deal much better with toddlers), I thought I might be able to convince some people to donate to a cause I truly believed in. Not so. The second someone said they weren’t interested, I was just like “ok, see ya. sorry to bother you. enjoy the night.” This, I suppose, was the exact opposite of what I was supposed to be doing. They train you to be, for lack of better terms, a really annoying jerk. They give you all of these methods, similar to Jedi Mind Control to be honest, to get people to sign a petition and give you money. And there are some people who have been doing this for years, and are literally collecting four to five hundred dollars a night (keep in mind, you get 42% of what you collect, on top of an hourly wage). In the 5 nights that I did this, my highest night was 57 dollars. In 5 hours. I was the lowest collecting canvasser every night. And it’s not because I didn’t know what I was talking about. I knew the issue very, very well. But I refused to drink the Kool-Aid that these guys were offering. I never got, and I don’t think I ever could, get comfortable with pretty much tricking people into giving me money for something they might not necessarily agree with. And that is what the big money guys do. They nag and nag you, hold you accountable, and make you feel like they are doing you a public service by knocking on your door at 8:30pm while you are in the middle of feeding an infant and putting the other kid in the bath.

Now, I know that the only way to get things done is with money. Bills to help the environment cannot get passed without lobbying, and lobbying costs money. And a lot of it. People do need to be aware of the issues, and of course they need to contribute, but the way that these organizations go about it is not only outdated, but quite frankly, rude. Half of the people I came in contact with said “Can’t I just donate through a website or something?” That would make perfect sense. But no, these guys want money right there and then, and they prefer it in credit or checks. I don’t know about you, but if a strange hippie came to my door, in the freezing cold rain, going on and on about making a change, I’m not giving him my credit card information.

I only lasted 5 nights with them. On the fifth night, I got back to the headquarters, couldn’t feel my hands or feet, and the director called me into his office. “You know man, this isn’t really meant for everyone. If you can’t make the standard (collecting $170 per night) in your first 5 nights, then you might be one of the ones not meant for it. Nothing personal.” He was right. Even though I was out there fighting for something I really believed in, I couldn’t just deal with pestering and nagging people that were busy.

Like I said, I really do respect and appreciate what nonprofits do. They are out there fighting a fight that most people could absolutely care less about. But when it comes down to it, everyone involved is out there looking to make money for themselves. And of course that is the bottom line, making money. But the way that this was run was no better than any other major corporation I have worked for, and that’s what is most upsetting to me. It was pretty much “get money now, save the environment later.”

If one of these people come to your door, and trust me, they will (unless you live in Central Islip, Wyandanch, or Roosevelt), give them the time of day. Listen to what the issue is, and if you decide that it’s an issue you can get behind, I encourage you to go online, learn more about it, and then maybe donate some money for the cause. Door to door sales should have been eliminated years ago. If some hippies want to campaign a neighborhood, just spreading their message, that’s fine. More power to them. But when it comes to collecting money, that is something I know I’m not real comfortable doing, either asking for it, or giving it out to strangers on my porch.