The Downfall of Society

As I was walking around downtown Brooklyn on a 2 hour lunch break the other day, I looked around. Downtown Brooklyn has become pretty nice over the last few years, and from what I hear it is becoming a popular destination for young people. And as I surveyed the scene I noticed tons of hipster doofueses (doofi?) and hundreds of indie chicks with stupid lawn mower haircuts. Something else I noticed, and I've been noticing this for the better part of 2 years now, was that everyone, and I mean everyone was using some kind of electronic device, whether it be a cell phone with bluetooth technology, an iPod, or one of those god forsaken Sidekicks.

As I walked around disgusted with all of the technological bullshit going on around me, I noticed a young, hip couple walking with a baby in a baby stroller. The couple couldn't have been much older than I, I would say the husband was 27 and the wife 26. The child, which I think was a boy, was maybe 18 months old. Everything seemed to look normal, until I looked at the parents' heads. The dad had iPod headphones on, and the mother was yapping away on her cell phone. As I studied them, I noticed that the little baby became unsettled, and was beginning to cry. The father obviously could not hear the poor little fella over the new White Stripes album he was blasting into his earlobes, and the mother could not be bothered to check on little Billy because she was way too into the conversation she was having with her girlfriend. The baby cried for a good 90 seconds before the mother hung up her phone and picked him up. The dad just kept listening to his iPod.

There a few things that I found wrong about this situation. First of all, this couple could not have been married for very long. I would say at the most 2 years. Is it possible that a newlywed couple has already run out of things to say to each other within 2 years? Do they really need to be ignoring each others company on a casual stroll through the neighborhood? I mean I'm against marriage to begin with, but if I ever do wind up getting hitched, you better believe I'm gonna keep it interesting enough to at least hold a conversation for a few years, even if it includes cheating on my wife. Secondly, they had a child with them! Anytime I babysit, I'm pretty much focusing most of my attention on those that I am babysitting. I don't isolate myself in a different room with my boombox blaring and chat on my cellphone. I make sure that the baby is happy. If they cry, I can usually tend to them within 10-15 seconds. Not only is this couple doomed to spend the rest of their lives together, but their son is going to wind up hating at least one of them for their constant neglect of him, and he has no chance of ever being in a successful relationship, all because mommy and daddy couldn't part with their stupid gadgets and gizmos on a stroll through downtown Brooklyn.

The Sidekick is another technological marvel that I believe is doing much more harm than good in the world. As far as I'm concerned, the Sidekick is not a cell phone. It's AIM in your pocket. All the stupid thing is good for is people IMing each other in bars, in malls, while walking around, on the subway, wherever and whenever. I don't know that I've actually seen one person ever use a Sidekick to actually make a phone call. But why would you want to make a phone call when you can just type what needs to be said? Actually speaking to someone might be too personal. I get it. And is there anything more pathetic than going to a show (punk, hardcore, indie, ska, whatever) and in between sets seeing every stupid non conforming little rebel oi! kid on their dumb Sidekick's changing their away message to say "OMG Hearts That Hate just played and they were rawkin! srsly!1!!" Ugh, its terrible. And the next time that I'm talking to someone (like actually talking to them, in person) and they take out their Sidekick and I hear that universal IM sound go off, I might just take the Sidekick and "Sidekick" it into a lake.

As I was standing in line at the Post Office the other day, the woman behind me was speaking very loud. Loud enough to the point where I was getting annoyed. But I figured she was talking to someone, perhaps her daughter, on line with her, so I didn't turn around and shoot her a nasty look or anything ( I don't know that I'm actually capable of shooting a nasty look, but I can pretend). As her conversation continued and got louder and louder, she began to laugh, or in her case, cackle louder than an old hen. Now, I don't know if you've ever been in a post office before, but it's not necessarily a happy place. People just go there, wait in line with blank stares, and wait to be called upon. Rarely is there an incident at the post office that would cause this woman, or any normal human, to laugh in the matter in which she was laughing. At this point, other people in the line were beginning to shoot their own nasty looks at her, so I decided to join in the fun. I turned around, and to my surprise, there was no one on line with her. Even more surprising, she did not seem to be on her cell phone, either. She was just obviously a mental patient who had escaped and decided to come to the Levittown Post Office and have an extensive conversation with herself. Ok, no big deal I thought, and for a second I felt sorry for her. Until she turned around. It was then that I realized that this wench had a blue light coming from her ear and was holding a cell phone in her hand. She was using one of those goddamn Bluetooth things and had actually been on the phone this whole time, annoying everyone else on line. Once she noticed everyone looking at her in disgust, she said to whoever it was she was speaking with "Oh now everyone in line thinks I'm speaking to myself" and continued to chat away.

This was not the first time that I've had this kind of situation with the bluetooth. The problem with the bluetooth is that if you are unaware that someone is using it, it looks as if the person is talking to you. I was at the supermarket once and some frat bro was on the bluetooth with one of his bro's and he goes "I'll kick your ass in Madden." But he was looking at me, and I didn't know he was "toothing." I suck at Madden, but in my defense I said "What? No you won't." He just pointed to his cell phone, picked up a case of Bud Light and continued on his merry way. This is a sitaution that I can envision happening thousands of times per day throughout the world. The only solution that I can think of is to make anyone who is using a bluetooth wear a shirt, or maybe a big button, that says "I'm using bluetooth, and I'm also a douche."

Now, don't get me wrong... I love technology. I like having a cell phone, I like instant messaging, I love myspace. But I also know there is a place and time for it, and it's not while your tending to a baby or in a quiet office, that's for sure.