So I have been watching the U.S Open for the past two days, and I have found it a bit offensive that Long Island has been included in the typical New Yorker stereotype. ESPN runs a promo that features a middle aged guy with a thick Italian accent. You know the kind… the “Hey Yo I’m from Brooklyn Fuggedaboutit Ma Put the Sauce On it’s Gettin Late!” In other promos, the Empire State Building and Times Square are prominently shown. The last time I checked, the U.S. Open was being held at Bethpage State Park…in Farmingdale… on Long Island.

My point is, I think there is a difference between “Long Islanders” and “New Yorkers.” Now of course, Long Island is part of New York, but I don’t think we on Long Island need to be mashed into the tough guy New Yorker attitude that is usually associated with people from the city. Long Island has plenty of people and places that could have been used in the promos for ESPN. Instead of the Empire State Building 50 miles away in NYC, why not use The Big Duck in Flanders? Instead of hiring some loser actor from Staten Island, why not have a Long Island Legend like Christie Brinkley go on with the awesome Long Island accent (“Watch the boys hit the gawlf bawls and enjoy some soder or wawter.”)

I think Phil will win.

I’ve heard some ridiculous band names in my day. There was the New Jersey powerpunk powerhouses, Shower With Goats, who, by the grace of god reunited in 2007. Or there is Someone Still Loves You Boris Yeltsin, who have one song that I like (Oregon Girl). I used to listen to a hardcore band called the Tony Danza Tapdance Extravaganza. And maybe three months ago, someone told me to check out an electro / indie band with the name Natalie Portmans Shaved Head. A great name, and actually, a really nice band. I dig their sounds. They played at Santo’s the other night, and I missed it. I’m annoyed with myself, but they will be back on the 20th, so I will most definitely check them out then.

I have come to the conclusion that if any event is going to be considered super fun, its going to need one of two things: either beach balls or bubbles. Think about it. Name one place that you have been where beach balls or bubbles were being circulated through the crowd and you were like “wtf, get that beach ball out of here.” The fun level of any sporting event, concert, or festival is automatically doubled anytime a beach ball is going around. As a matter of fact, at my wedding in 2040, I want beach balls being hit around during the church ceremony. My funeral (presumably 6 months after I get married) too.

Bubbles, on the other hand, are just rad. I was driving home today, and in the car in front of me, a little girl had her cool bubble machine hanging out the window, blowing bubbles in my direction. It was like driving through some kind of awesome time warp. I was so happy. While bubbles will surely be included in both my wedding and funeral plans, I am really annoyed with myself for missing the premier bubble event of 2009 last night. Thats right, Bubble Battle 2009 took place last night in Times Square, and I friggin missed it. For some stupid reason, I had it marked on my calendar for June 19th, not the 12th.

Hey

I have had dozens of blogs over the past 10 years. This one is going to be rad. I really like what Tumblr is doing.

Don’t worry about my picture to the right. I didn’t get hit in the face by a mixed martial artist or anything. I was just playing shakeface. You don’t know what shakeface is? Well, all you have to do is, when you are having a picture taken, just shake your face around like a madman. The result is what you see over there. It’s even more fun when done with friends or celebrities.

Earlier today, I was eating a buffalo chicken wrap from a deli out east. I forgot that I had two nasty sun blisters on my bottom lip (I also have a ridiculous farmers tan, some sweet peeling of the earlobes, and possibly sunstroke, but if that’s the worst that will happen after a weekend on Fire Island,I’ll take it). After taking two bites of the delicious wrap, my lips were in some serious pain. Now I could have easily thrown the wrap into the majestic fountain I was sitting next to, along with the 9 bucks I spent on it, but instead I went back into the deli, asked for a fork, ditched the wrap, and continued eating the chicken with said fork, avoiding any contact with my lips. You may not think this is hard, but it’s quite a challenge. Next time you are eating something with a marinade, glaze, sauce, etc; try not making any contact with your lips with a fork or spoon. It’s almost impossible.

Turn the Radio Off

New York Radio is in shambles. With 92.3 K-Rock switching format to some top 40 z100 shit, there is officially no decent radio station that I can listen to. I have never been much of a radio fan to begin with, but on my long work commutes I did like to listen every once in a while, just to keep up to date on the current music trends. In my car, I have the capacity for 12 pre-set radio stations. My current lineup is something like this.

1. 90.7 WFUV: This is the one station that I actually do listen to on a somewhat consistent basis. It is based at Fordham University, has no commercials, and uses NPR news. They play mostly indie and folk type stuff. Real sick.

2. 92.3 K-Rock: For Opie and Anthony, Hoobastank, Trapt, etc. Now no O&A, but plenty of Beyonce and Kanye West.

3. 94.3 WMJC: The best mix of the 80's 90's and Now. Also the radio home of my beloved NY Islanders. Terrible reception.

4.97.1 Hot 97: Blazing Hip Hop and R&B. Can't go wrong. I also like to listen to the DJ's talk. They are ridiculous.

5. 100.3 Z1000: Phone Taps, Taylor Swift. I love it.

6. 104.3 Q104: Occasionally they play Rush and Queen.

7. 92.9 WEHM: A station out of East Hampton. It's really good, but only comes in when i get to around the Commack area.

8. 101.9 MixFM or whatever its called. Everyone tells me I will love this station, but I don't care for it. It seems everytime I put it on, Aerosmith is on. I hate Aerosmith.

and that's it. I can't even fill up 12 stations. And I'm about to delete K-Rock. So I will be down to 11. It's pretty pathetic. The general state of music is general is pretty pathetic actually. I think K-Rock switched formats because there is no such thing as rock anymore. I don't know of any current "rock" bands, and there are already a bunch of shitty classic rock stations, so why not give us another teeny bopper hitzzz station? God forbid we are offered choices for alternative music, like Indie101 out in SoCal. Ridic. I'm making the switch to Satelite soon. There I can have non stop Jimmy Buffett and cussing.


By the way, how AWESOME is this kid?

Muzak

I haven't been excited about a compilation album since Epitaph put out Punk O Rama 3 in 1998. I actually haven't been too excited about new albums in quite some time. But last month, a comp called " War Child Presents: Hereos" came out, and it is just amazing.

First of all, War Child is an amazing charity. They work with children affected in war torn countries like Iraq, Afghanistan, Uganda, etc. Quite the noble cause, so I didn't mind shelling out a few bucks to buy it. So, since I have nothing else going on, I offer you brief commentary on the first 8 tracks.

1. Beck covering Bob Dylan's "Leopard Skin Pill Box Hat." - I know it's a crime to not really like Bob Dylan, but for some reason I just never got into him. I missed the boat with him. And I feel like he has too much of an extensive library to even attempt to jump on board at this point in my life. I have however, always liked Beck, even though he is a Scientologist. This is a Dylan song that I vaguely knew, but to me it just felt like a decent Beck song.

2.The Kooks covering The Kinks "Victoria"- The Kooks covering The Kinks... Say that 5 times fast! LOL! Seriously though, I just recently (within the past 9 months) got into The Kinks. I also like The Kooks a great deal. I actually saw them on their first U.S tour. On this track, they stay true to the reggae-ish sound of The Kinks, but also add their own touch. It's BritPop at it's finest.

3. The Hold Steady covering Bruce Springsteen's "Atlantic City"- Let me preface this by saying that I do not like Bruce Springsteen. I never have, and this whole thing with him only selling his albums at Wal-Mart makes me dislike him even more. But I do like The Hold Steady, as does almost every other twenty something jaded scenester I know. THS does a really good job making this song their own (I think.. I've never heard the Boss' version). But if I didn't know that it was a cover, I could totally see this track being on one of their own albums.

4. Hot Chip covering Joy Divisions "Transmission"- I've never heard Hot Chip before this. They were always one of those bands that I knew someone who was into them, but never really checked them out myself. Same thing with Joy Division. I was a big fan of New Order though. Good song none the less.

5. Lily Allen and Mick Jones covering The Clash "Straight to Hell"- Well this was just a real treat. Here we have my future wife, Ms Lily Allen, collaborating with Mick Jones, guitarist of one of my favorite bands of all time, The Clash. Straight To Hell is an amazing song, and Lily (who happens to be Joe Strummer's goddaughter) does an amazing job covering it.

6. Yeah Yeah Yeahs covering The Ramones "Sheena is a Punk Rocker"- The Ramones are in my top 10. Yeah Yeah Yeahs, I'm basically indifferent about. I don't hate them, don't particularly like them, they are just whatever. And thats how I feel about this version of good Ramones song. They didn't butcher the song, but they could have done better.

7. Franz Ferndinand covering Blondie's "Call Me" - I'm not a Franz fanz. I'm not really a Blondie fan either. But I do know they have better songs than "Call Me." But FF decided to be like any cover band playing the Long Island nightclub cicuit, and chose that one. It's a live version and I don't like it. Modest Mouse would have done a better job.

8. Duffy covering Paul McCartney's "Live and Let Die"- "Live and Let Die" is one of the few Paul McCartney songs that I dig. There are only a handful of Beatles solo members songs that I like. I can't think of the name, but Ringo Starr had a song about smoking a ton of weed that I always liked. But anyway. I only know that one song by Duffy that they play on WFUV every once in a while. I know she gets a load of press, but I don't like her much. This song is a little slow for my taste, but not the worst thing I've ever heard either.

So that's the first half. I'll finish the other 8 songs at another point.

I was sitting down earlier, eating a delicious veggie burger, when a commercial came on for KFC. They were advertising the famous KFC Bowls, or whatever they are called. Now, I have about a million different problems with KFC, but this advert really irked me for some reason. First of all, the famous bowl, made up of layers of mashed potatoes, corn, FrankenChicken, gravy, and 3 types of cheese, looks disgusting. Not to mention like an instant heart attack. And for the low price of I think it was 2.59, you get that and what looked like to be about 40 gallons of soda. After the commercial was over, I literally looked at my veggie burger and side of more vegetables, and had a real sense of elitism. It's quite a confusing sensation.

Hero Doh

Last week, I was working in a supermarket out east. I was minding my own business, you know, doing my work. Doing what I do. Making the money. I digress.

So I was working, and I notice this kid come down the aisle. A toddler - couldn't have been more than 3 years old. He was walking with his father, but his father was pretty old. I actually thought it was his grandfather at first. The young boy was holding onto a really cool Play-Doh set. I was staring at it and thinking "man I wish I had some Play-Doh right now. I hate my job. I wish I worked in a Play-Doh factory." In the midst of my daydream involving me working in some sort of clay wonderland, the little dude's box fell, and out spilled 10 little cases of Play-Doh. "Evannnn, what did you do?" said the old man. "I spilled the Play-Doh daddy" replied Evan (the little kid). Me being the nice guy I am, I helped Evan pick up his Play-Doh and put it back into his box. Evan and his dad moved along, I went back to the excruciating minutia of the tasks at hand.

About 3 minutes later, I see Evan again. Just walking down the aisle, with his Play-Doh, but not his Grand-Dad. He was wandering around solo, so I was like "Hey buddy where's your grandpa?" But all he said was "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" So I'm all like "It's cool dude, we'll find Daddy." I walk around the entire store with this kid, looking for the old man. I finally spot him in the bread aisle, just doing his shopping. I don't think he knew that his son was missing. So I bring him over, and this was his reaction: " Oh he usually meets me in the car."

Now, I am all about having a sense of humor. But in a situation like that, you would think a parent/guardian would be in a complete frenzy. I'm in supermarkets all day, I've seen mothers completely wig the hell out when their kid wanders like 6 feet from them. But not this old man. I was quite confused to be honest.

So, am I a hero? Nah. I just want to work in a Play-Doh factory.

Akward Social Situation #1033

Life is a series of awkward social situations. Here is one of them.

A few nights ago, I was doing some grocery shopping in the local grocery megastore. I was perusing the organic cereal section, minding my own business, when I heard "Seany!" Now, there are only a few people who call me Seany... my younger cousins, and most of my graduating high school class. I turned around to see someone from said high school class that I don't think I have seen since we graduated like 40 years ago. I didn't have much to say to this person in high school, and I sure as shit didn't have much to say to them standing in the organic and natural section of Stop and Shop. Never to be the rude one, I entertained this chick with a few minutes of conversation, "shot the shit" as they say, caught up a little bit, and continued on our separate ways.

Or so I thought.

You see, the organic section of Stop and Shop is in the very beginning of the store. It was my first stop amongst a few others in the store, and judging by the emptiness of my classmate's cart, she was also just beginning. What followed next was awkward meetups in each different section of the store. "Those are some good apples you got there" I said to her in the produce section. "The soy ice cream is pretty good" I suggested in the frozen section. But that was pretty much all I had to say, and I was only half way done with my shopping.

I spent the next 15 minutes peeking down aisles before I walked down them, making sure she wasn't there. I had absolutely nothing else. And it's not like I have nothing to say, I'm a pretty bright and opinionated fella. But in the supermarket setting, awkwardly shuffling our carts to avoid hitting each other, there is just not much to discuss. This is why from now on, to avoid such situations, I will be doing all of my shopping in Riverhead, 50 miles from the closest class of 2001 graduate.